Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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