The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this boner is exhausting
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
