yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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