i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
