Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
