Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
