she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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