quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
