The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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