Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I look better un-naked...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
