She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
