Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
