I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
