before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
