I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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