I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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