What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
