i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
