The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
