Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
