I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drake has all the answers
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
