I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
