obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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