there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
