It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
NoShamevember. You game?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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