You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
