So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
