Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
