Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
try to milk me bitch
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