Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
