I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
