Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Someone came in the potted fern
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
