as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
