is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
