I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
