OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
