well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
soo... how was my night?
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