I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
