Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
