my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
