Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
