I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
