you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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