Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
