I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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