So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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