I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
