I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
