he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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