i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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