Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
