my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
